Excerpt To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five by J. S. Cooper

Mar 182020
 

To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five (The Inappropriate Bachelors #1) by J. S. Cooper

To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five,

I’m glad you’re happy to have moved into a new apartment, but no:

I do not want to have a beer with you.
I do not want to have a nude sleepover.
I do not want to make you breakfast, lunch or dinner, no matter how many lap dances you promise to give me.
I do not need you to serenade me through the walls at 1am.
And no, I have no interest in letting you take me on a date.

Sincerely,

Magnolia Allen

P.S. And no, I do not want to know how many accents you can growl in during
intimate moments. How is that even a thing?

P. P. S. Also, you will never find me standing naked in your living room ever
again, so please stop leaving lingerie packages on my welcome mat.

Want to read Chapter One? Click here

 

or check this teaser:

“It was on my doorstep this morning. I think it’s a present from Jagger.”
“Who’s Jagger?” Olivia asked as she and Millie walked over to the table with interested looks on their faces. “Your boyfriend?”
“No, no. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my neighbor.”
“Her very good looking neighbor.” Jane fanned her hand in front of her face.
“How do you know?” Millie asked.
“I met him yesterday when we went for lunch.” Jane said. “Let’s just say that he and Magnolia’s chemistry is off the charts.”
“No, it’s not.” I exclaimed. “He’s an asshole.”
“An asshole that gives you presents?” Millie played with her curls. “I’d love to meet some assholes like that.”
“Me too.” Olivia laughed and I just rolled my eyes.
“Trust me guys. You wouldn’t want to deal with a guy like Jagger. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women and the entire human race.”
“Open the present.” Jane pleaded. “I want to see what he got you. If it’s diamond earrings I will scream.”
“Why would he give me diamond earrings?” I shook my head. “It’s more like trash bags or something. He’s an idiot like that.”
“Sounds kinda sweet to me.” Millie said. “Open now please, before we all have to get to work.”
“Fine, hold on.” I said and placed my cup down. I grabbed the box and started tearing off the paper eagerly. I was curious to see what present Jagger had gotten me. Jane’s idea of a diamond necklace had gotten me excited. I knew Jagger wouldn’t have spent that much money on me, but maybe was something really sweet. I couldn’t wait to see. An envelope fell out of the box as I ripped open the package and I opened it quickly.
“Read it out loud.” Olivia said. “I want to know what he said.”
“Fine.” I said and read the note aloud. “To The Cute Girl in Apartment Four, I’m so glad I’m your new neighbor. Hopefully we can catch a movie soon or even dinner. This is for the nights that you deny yourself the pleasure of me. Your Incredibly Cute and not Rude at all neighbor in Apartment Five, Jagger.” I rolled my eyes as the girls all oohed and ahhed at the note. “I told you he’s full of himself.”
“He seems like he’s fun.” Millie said. “Now open the box.”
“Fine.” I said and continued opening the package. The brown box under the paper had a lot of tape and I pulled it off quickly, reaching inside and grabbing the plastic box that was covered by pink tissue paper. I ripped the tissue paper off and stared at my present in shock. There in all it’s flesh pink glory lay a huge cock, the writing on the box read, “8-Inch All-American Whopper Dong.”
“He got you a dildo?” Millie burst out laughing. “That’s hilarious.”
“Not just any dildo.” Olivia said as she grabbed the package from me. “He got her a fake cock that’s and I quote, made with Realskin for incredible lifelike feeling.” She giggled.
“That’s fucking huge.” Jane said as she grabbed the dildo from Olivia. “Look at those balls.” She moved her hands back and forth in a jiggling manner. “And look at that head, it looks so real.” She laughed as I glared at her. “Sorry, not sorry. This is hilarious.”
“It’s absolutely crazy.” I shook my head. “And rude as hell. How dare he get me a dildo?” I grabbed the box from her. “For all he knows I’m getting laid every night.”
“He’s your neighbor right?” Olivia asked. “He most probably knows that there’s no guy coming over and I’m guessing he hasn’t heard any late night screams?”
“Late night screams?” We all looked at her and she grinned.
“Hey, I’m in accounting. I’m not a virgin. If you girls haven’t been with a man that’s made you scream then you haven’t been with a real man.”
“I obviously have not been with a real man then.” Millie held her hand up. “The only thing I’ve had to scream is going faster doesn’t always mean better and use your fingers as well.”
“Hahaha.” I laughed and blushed at the same time. I was so thankful that my new work friends were so funny. Working here was going to be fun.
“I’ve never had to scream either.” Jane bit her lower lip. “Actually that’s not true. I had to yell at one guy, that’s not the right hole.”
“Oh my God, tell me about it.” Millie leaned in all conspiratorial like. “The last guy I was with kept trying to slip it in backside and I was like, did I tell you I wanted to do anal.” She rolled her eyes. “He kept saying he was confused. I was like no, your dick doesn’t enter my asshole by mistake just like my pussy doesn’t just slip onto your dick. Comprendo?” She shook her head. “Two weeks later I found out his ex was letting all sorts of accidental slipping happen and it was over.”
“Oh no. Are you okay?” I asked Millie, hoping she wasn’t still upset. “That’s awful.”
“I’m fine.” She laughed. “He was an asshole and I’m glad to be done with him.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Jane giggled. “My ex used to push my head into his lap everytime we watched a movie, as if my job was to give him a blowjob while he enjoyed the movie. He soon learned that it wasn’t.”
“What did you do?” I asked, eager to hear more.
“Let’s just say that sucking a cock with two ice cubes in your mouth and pressing them up to the head for over a minute doesn’t give so much pleasure as it does pain.” She laughed and I was also giggling when someone cleared their throat and we all froze.

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